My husband & I adopted a boy who’s been with us for 9 years. Everything was great until a year ago when his behaviour became bad. Bad language, smashing up our home up, threatening to hurt us, cutting himself, terrible lies, and so on. We are now working with CAMHS. I’ve read all your books and you probably understand how we feel. Please keep us in your prayers.
CG: I am so sorry to hear of the problems you are going through, but pleased you are accessing help from CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service). I assume you are receiving family therapy in addition to your son receiving individually help. Although your son has been with you for most of his life he is on the brink of adolescence – a difficult time for a child anyway. This is the time when a child’s behaviour can change dramatically as the brain ‘rewires’ ready for adulthood, creating so many changes that we have difficulty recognizing the child as our own. For children who are adopted or fostered this can be an especially poignant time as they struggle for an identify and also question those around them. They challenge the boundaries so that the parent has to continually prove how much they love the child. However, his unacceptable behaviour has to be stopped whatever the reason. Can I suggest you read Happy Kids. It was written for parents and carers and contains lots of practical and useful strategies that do work. You don’t have to buy the book unless you want to as it can be borrowed from the library. Have a read and then email me again if you have any questions.