Hi Cathy, My husband and I adopted a little boy over 2 years ago he has just turned seven. Although we have made progress in some areas of behaviour, the biggest challenge we face is his behaviour around other children. He is the only child in the house so he has children to play but they get fed up with his control. I am constantly having to explain sharing and taking turns (which is not much fun for the other children to listen to). I also take him to the park but even there he tries to control everything. I have found your book a HUGE help in understanding how and why he tries to control us at home. I have been able to help him learn acceptable behaviour and for me to stay calm! I have read your book over and over again. Thank you,
CG: Dear Suzanne, I think you are doing a great job with your son. Well done, and how wonderful that he has found love and stability with you and your husband. Only children, whatever their background tend to take longer to share control with their peer group for the obvious reason that for a large part of the day – at home – they don’t have to. This is nothing unusual and I wouldn’t place too much emphasis on his early year’s experience, although it will obviously form a part of his behaviour. First and foremost children of his age need love, warmth, stability and firm boundaries, all of which you are giving your son. My advice would be to continue as you have been doing – emphasizing sharing and playing nicely with this peers. I know it can appear repetitive but the children he is playing with won’t mind as you are teaching fair play. If he erupts when he has company then use the 3Rs as you have been doing. One child I fostered had to spend quiet time away from his guests until he eventually learned to play nicely. Good luck, and let me know how it goes. Cathy